FLOWER#15

Year:2016
Materials:Chromogenic print on photographic paper/印画紙に発色現像方式印画
Image size: H22.0 x W14.5 cm/Frame:H41.8 x W31.4 cm
Edition:2/5+AP
Statement
-It was 2016 in Qingdao, China. I was sinking into a large cushion in the sunroom of a friend's store, watching the shadows of the leaves swaying as the sun's rays filtered through the acrylic ceiling. I was trying to turn away from the loneliness of living abroad and the impatience of not having a job. Until then, I had been taking pictures of flowers that bloomed modestly on the side of the road.It was as if they didn’t want to be found.
Suddenly, I thought of photographing them on the ceiling of the sunroom.
The photos that came out of the developing process showed transparent, straight flowers that I had never seen before. I honestly felt that they were unconscious and beautiful. The photos gave me back a little confidence and dramatically speaking even a ray of hope. I felt as if the flowers were telling me that life is not something to be dressed up.
A few years later, I started photographing flowers again in Japan. This time, while shooting, I felt something was missing. I felt an obsessive need to capture the same composition and the same size, and I also felt a sense of urgency to somehow create something from it. Looking back, there were more and more things I couldn't do or had to give up, and I unconsciously imposed a lot of restrictions on myself.
The camera I use blurs the image if I get closer than one metre to the object, so one metre is the limit distance at which I can take a clear and large image of the object. I was stuck there, unable to move. One day, I decided to take a picture at the size I wanted to see it. Forgetting the limitations of the equipment and the stereotypes I had, I decided to take a picture at the size I wanted to see it. The result was a large, blurry photo of a small flower about 5 cm in diameter. It was a picture of freedom and unchanging beauty. At that moment, I realised that I was actually creating my own limitations, not by society or circumstances, and was stuck in a state of inconvenience. Somewhere along the way, I forgot the excitement of first discovering the beauty of unconsciousness, and I was desperately trying to consciously cut out the flowers, but I think photography taught me that I was at the opposite end of the spectrum from the essential unconsciousness of flowers.
Even now, when I look at a flower that is clearly and dignifiedly photographed or one that stands in a blur, I feel that there is indeed an unconscious beauty there, and I am being asked if I can find it today.
さる2016年、中国青島。僕は友だちの店のサンルームで大きなクッションに身体を沈めながら、太陽の光がアクリルを透過しゆらゆらと葉っぱの影が揺れているのを眺めていた。海外（そと）で暮らす孤独感や仕事がないことに対する焦りから目を背けようとして。それまでも、道端で慎ましく誰にも見つからないように咲いている花々が好きで写真に収めていた。ふと、その花々をサンルームの天井に貼りつけて撮影してみようと思い立った。
現像からあがってきた写真には、今まで見たことのない、透明で、真っ直ぐな花々が写っていた。無自覚で美しいと素直にそう感じた。その写真によって僅かに自信を取り戻し、大袈裟に言えば一筋の希望の光を見出した。その花々から、生命は着飾るものじゃないんだと語りかけられているように感じた。
数年後、日本で再び花の撮影を開始した。今度は撮りながら何か物足りなさを感じていた。同じ構図、同じ大きさで撮らなければという強迫観念のようなものや、何とか一つの形に仕上げなければという焦りも感じていた。今振り返ると、出来ないことや諦めなければいけないことが増え、無意識のうちに多くの制限を自分に課していた。
使っているカメラは１m以上対象物に寄るとボケてしまうので、１mという距離が対象物をくっきりと大きく写せる限界の距離だ。そこに囚われて身動きができずにいた。ある日、自分が見たい大きさでそのまま撮ってみようと思った。機材の制限や今までの固定観念を忘れ、自分が見たい大きさで。そこには、５cmほどの小さな花が大きくぼやけて写っていた。その写真はどこまでも伸び伸びとし、自由で、変わらぬ美しさがあった。その時、本当は社会や状況ではなく、自分で自分に制限を作り、不自由で身動きが取れなくなっていたんだと気付いた。いつしか、最初に無自覚の美を見つけた感動を忘れ、必死に意識的に花を切り取っていた自分は、花が持つ本質的な無自覚さと対極にいることを写真は教えてくれたんだと思う。
今でも、くっきりと、凛と写っている花とぼやけた中に佇む花を見る時、そこには無自覚の美が確かに存在し、今日それを見つけることが出来るか問われている気がする。